Chemicals in Check

Sigh your heart out to me.

I'm done rubbing my eyes out.

I don't want to feel the drop anymore.

I'm tired, but you're not.

So you plunge with me.

When do we rise?

Please say its soon.

Heal me, and I'll be healed

I had a bad dream of no sacred place
even the heart of Jesus couldn't turn us back again

Despair is our story, it's no pretty tale
It starts with our own pride and ends with His murder

We got no wisdom to use what we've been given
To be obedient in these battles
To carry our crosses or to bury the nails

We got no morals, not a hint of discipline
To trace these used steps back home again

I cut off my hands so I wouldn't touch
It didn't stop the poison, it still burns in my veins just as much

So I plucked out my own eyes so I wouldn't look
I only treated the symptom of self medication

I found this old card said 'have you been forgiven?'
'Do you know what it feels like to have your burden lifted?'

See we all got the nails and hammers in our hands
We got the blood of Jesus on our heads

This was all in His plan, to save us from the beginning
Even when He formed us and gave us life and breath

From Eve in the garden to the fruit on the tree
The Son would be lifted up, thru the darkness we could see

That we can start anew, don't believe the lie
Don't believe your own guilt, don't die in your pride

We can be born again, live on this new slate
By this blood of Jesus, His mark, His stain

Why must a life be given to take away our sin?
To show that God's ways can be followed
for obedience to be proven

Murder of the innocent where the line was drawn
He who was not guilty who could throw the first stone

True colors of this kingdom now completely shown
The controversy condemned and the horror it bestows

The cross illuminates with salvation
Points to the murderer in us all

We can drop the hammer and the nails
We can hear from Jesus
There is no condemnation for those in love with Him




(the card i found)

Spit those Decibles

Hey Kid your 26!

Today means 26 years of God maintaining my breath. I don't count enough His blessings to me nor the cost of my ransom. In the thickest of my 'dont's' He has upheld me and looked upon me in great favor. I have seen His right hand act constantly in my life. I have been time and time again saved from my own snares. God calls me His, and that is the gift worth counting all things loss for.

Every year I have lived has surpassed the previous, I enjoy getting older, I love whats ahead, I look forward to the added responsibilities that come with age, my heart warms over future family thoughts, I cherish being grafted more into my Savior friend and that in looking unto the Author of Love I may be able to more reflect/communicate the perfect love I encounter in His presence, the perfect love that is putting me on the mend in all things weak and hurt.

Thank you friends for being patient with me, dealing kindly with me, inspiring me to become more of what God has started in me. You have enriched these years and I pray that my life is a blessing back to you and to my God!

CHEERS TO YOU!

(the snap above is from my cradle days, circa '83 i believe?)

A beat needed to hash out this scribble

listen son just like you've heard
this world operates around just one word
it spun then shook and got hung up
when it separated AM from I
and then got stuck

we now bleed the reasons
now turned to excuses
it builds pride up
to whomever who chooses

your heart is a vessel
that can only emulate
what is set before it
it will only communicate

be it disaster or finest beauty
the heart responds
when the eyes they see

so cast your sight high
your vision to be
all that is good
yes all that is lovely

we must be a witness
to have a testimony
behold you'll change
when its not your glory

for the better not the worse
when His grace is your story
our name is Lazarus
cuz His name is the key

the doors wide open
and His light exposes
we can't see with one I
with permission to darkness

return to me
you who are weary
give me your I
i'll be your judge and jury

i'll announce you are mine
when you give me your I
my will your will
my life with no lie

I'll be your I AM
yes i'll be your Father
your names not orphan
for I have called you Son

Scribbles for the future

I'm involved with something that is requiring much of my time/design skills. I can't wait to share much more, but when i do it will be on a bigger public scale! I have been pushing what i do, and have been much inspired here in the great southwest. I want to share a lot of what i've been doing because it is much further then what i've done before, but alas i must be patient. So heres a little NO THEFT identity for you.

ABC's Graffiti Styles

The first day i get to Santa Fe i pull out my sketchbook and start my scribbles and my youngest brother Vincent (who also draws a lot) asks about graffiti and how to draw some graffiti letters, i gladly oblige and show him 4 letters to emulate. He quickly duplicates and adds a little bit of his own style that i praise him for as well. Today he comes home and reminds me that i was going to sketch out the whole alphabet for him so he could see the whole alphabet graffiti style, i do all capitals A-Z and then all lowercase a-z. In this teaching lesson i do a piece that's up above using the name of my friend mike. He goes by Mykonius as i go by NO THEFT in all my pieces. This is one of my scribbles yo! oh and check out Faber-Castel pens, they are my newest addition to my arsenal! YUMMY YUM YUM!

Return to Me

It would be so much easier to give blood from these veins,
take a pound of flesh from my side,
have my guitar and their old tunes,
even my dreams that occupy my motivation,
but to have more room in this mind,
to surrender these thoughts,
these instincts and old highways,
its so hard to do.
Sometimes the theory of take is so pleasing,
but then love would loose its name,
and could never be trusted again.

So what must i see oh Lord
to let the way side collect my discards?
What must i see
to let this old world and its pattern
in me dim out?

Oh how your love operates,
You give though i give nothing.

Let this wake me!

Some Summa Snaps

Bruce getting his haircut outside of the Java something


Bruce at the keys during the 18 hour seesion at Robot Room twas FIERCE

Outside of Java somethin' before we played a show!

Brian from Seven Year Absence sippi'n on the java at Canon Beach, a wonderful
wonderful day!


A fence made of chain not much to say

"It can, and it is!"

Sneakers and Sesame Street! These are a few of my favorite things!

Kicks ala Tre Chic!

The nearness of avocado's to my heart is almost or equally matched by kicks!
Supra (leading kicks in the scene along with Creative Recreation) have just
released these and they be yummy!



Supra also hit up only 120 of these, as a hater of most things gold and glitter,
i actually am digging these!

Underpin

Take me off the map!
Let no search prove a success!
Let the vague hide me!
Let the avenues give way
to the feet that seek me!

Let all be hidden!
The wants, the goods, the evils,
the failure reminders

Key a freedom into these habits
You and the back burners,
I mourn that you are buddies

No tear claims my cheeks
but i mourn, i want a voice
to this sorrow, a depth to
this repentance, a well dug
into your veins that i may
never thirst again

Give me the mind
to rid the switch
you highways
will be split
this beat from its chambers
will have no more divide

Let me breathe in your wilderness
I want not to take
Let me live the cost

They shall never enter my rest

Oh how i have not made time,
the waters past my shoulders,
my eyes on the flame,
my senses seiged and plagued,
a whimper to muster,
the rebuke i sing to myself:

When a man comes to death
What are his thoughts?
Does he care about his life or what it has meant?
Does he turn a glare in bitterness
That it must come to an end

Does he pour out his heart?
And unto whom?

Damned from the start
This Adam, this Eve
Their fear in their nakedness
Years of their war
Spilt blood in the seed
New man and new form

You my friend
Are still the same
You got nothing to say
Because you know you are wrong
You're decieved to think
You still can't choose
To give what you can't afford to loose

Won't you open your heart?
Won't you open your heart, to me?

Does the Maker step down
To share our last breath?
To give us peace that this earth cannot give
Is a lullaby sung with our head on His breast
As we sleep in our final rest?

Does He pour out His heart?

Carol This Yo!

I feel festive. The following are responsible:

Christmas tree lights, all yummy cheeses, being around my family, snow, cinnamon rolls (the ones my mom makes!), Karli, Bing Crosby, hot chocolate (with cinnamon & nutmeg ), Charlie Brown, O Come, O Come, Immanuel.

Vroom...SHNELL!

This is the car that I've kinda been wanting since its make. YUM. It's the young professional car. It's trendy, signifies some sort of good income, fresh and actually has enough room in the back that means room for friends not just for yourself like other sporty cars. The grill slays me, especially with the little red trim! Nice gas mileage, its German which = great design! I'm not really a car guy in the macho sense 'hey there pal (3 pats on the back embrace, each pat for each word 'i'm not gay') whats under the hood?', i can't tell you years, or how everything is suppose to work, i like things that look tight and clean, kinda like the whole Apple branding of all their marketing stuff, clean, great use of negative space, bold, like that. I think a nice white Apple sticker in the back window would look super cool too. So aside from the macho car, this is kinda geek-chic, ( i push up my glasses and fondly brush my Mac with tender affection ). One day: white VW GTi & white high tops. I'll start with the kicks :D

Justin Yang: High School Hero

This morning while slathering strawberry jam on a piece of freshly made sourdough bread (momma's cookin' yo!) i get a text message from my friend eric inviting me for grub with the rest of the indian crew in my old town Berrien Spring. He ends with the information that the legend Justin Yang is in town! Now i share the importance of this name Justin Yang:

Sophomore or Junior year in high school I learn 2 chords on the guitar, Em and G maj.
Justin is the school association pastor and leads worship for chapel time, he finds out that i'm starting guitar and right before he starts chapel asks me to get up on the stage with him on my guitar. I try everything to resist, i explain i only know a couple of chords, that i picked up the guitar to learn smashing pumpkins songs, but it all proved futile, i don't think anyone can say no to his smile, this kid beamed all day, his joy of being in God was his spring of life and was very contagious to those around him. So after many verbal and physical tugs i get on the stage, out of the corner of his eye he says ' just follow me, you'll be fine '. 4 songs later i've butchered every song, i sit back in the school body and Justin comes down to sit by me "Tommy! that was great! you have to play again tomorrow!" In my mind i'm like "did you hear anything i did?" but something about his excitement said that he believed in me more then i did in myself. The following weeks and months, there i was behind Justin Yang learning guitar from worship songs and i begin to understand guitar so quickly that i think something of it. If i was going no where trying to learn smashing pumpkins and now was quickly learning guitar because of praise songs, then God must be more real then i've ever thought.

The next year i took the role of school association pastor and tried to fill his shoes. I would refer to his passion for God in our school as a tangible and personal friend, I learned from him that our First Love was also our Best Friend. Tonight after 8 yrs, i see him again. I think i'm about to cry. :D

Justin Yang is the reason i play guitar, why i'm a minister of reconciliation through music, the reason that fueled my ears to hear Gods calling in my life. I would serve anywhere with him.

Isaiah 6:8 "here i am send me"

That verse has been my inspiration and has been revealed very personally through the way my friend Justin Yang has lived his life. I pray to be the same.

Fresh Collective!

I had the joy tonight of writing music with 3 other people that i don't usually write anything with! It was wild, understanding how people process, create, contribute to a collective, it was a completely fresh experience for me. Its also nice because generally i write a bunch very consistently, but as of late (1.5 weeks) I haven't written much just a song or 2, which for the first time was a relief in a way. Usually i get kinda worried when i don't write a new song every certain amount of days, but to write something new with 3 new people was SWEET! My good friend Tyler played mandolin and sang background, Vanja sang harmonies and played flute, Jay played guitar and sang background and i sang lead and did standard chords. It happened very quickly, the words the progressions, and Jay took the chorus and brought it out of major key it was in and minored it and maybe even changed the key? AMAZING! Tomorrow i hear the bridge that he is suppose to write for it! At one part we are all singing and throwing in another instrument here and there till the verse was pumpin'! Yummy Yum Yum! Its so nice.

Whatever you do, i encourage to experience it with someone else who is in the same vein but does it differently, a lovely time!

Tin-Tin! Returns!

I'm so excited! A recent exploring through amazon to appease christmas wish lists brought me to Tin-Tin! Amazing comic turned into cartoon and now in 3 box sets for the first 3 seasons! woot woot! They were written in French and have this proper 2o's espionage/mystery adventures! It is now on my christmas list, yes i have a list, yes i'm 25. :D Can't take the boy out of the man yo! investigate this and enjoy, oh and on amazon right now the first episode is down loadable for free! Check it!

Drawings as of Late

Loverly Shoes in a Row, 'short ones, fat ones, some as big
as your head!'



My future white high tops! woot woot! I HOPE



One of my new graffiti beginnings for 'NO THEFT'

Winter Beard Update

My beard oath ended 2 nights ago in spokane after our show with seven years absence.
The boys were all in full beard glory, and it made feeling gross worth it seeing our joint effort so pleasing. Nick said 'tommy if you keep it growing till the next time i see you at the end of january i'll pay for you haircut and a hot towel shave'. I've always wanted to have one of those old school shaves (very manly) i now struggle with the commitment of waiting till then. I haven't made up my mind, but my goodness i feel ugly. I thought i would only keep it to give my mum a little scare when she saw me at the airport (maybe for once i'll embarrass her! thats for you mom if you are reading this :D ).

I heard that Zac Fairbanks had withdrawals of lack of beard after he shaved his and is in the process of regaining the jaw territory on his face. Karli made a better word coupling then withdrawals, i forget. I'm not sure if i'll have that or not. All i can think of right now is getting this grotesque presence off my face. Oh and the Jesus and Moses comments coming to a halt will be nice too.

Musical Differences

In listening to music there are certain elements that i've regarded as a 'no no' when it comes to writing a piece. A lot of these are heard and replicated into other artists music writing therefore enforcing its stay in the years to come of music. These elements in my opinion can never be overlooked or allowable because it fits for a certain song, to me these are always annoying and certainly gross. I commence:

In a lot of pop vocals when a word at an end of a phrase ends with the vowel sound of 'A' or 'E' and is bent in and out of vowels ex. The song ends with the word 'day', so the artist says 'day-Eee-Aye-Eee-Aye. It's gross and if you have enough time to trail off with the A & E twang then be a bit more creative and throw in some more content.

Melody lines that follow a scale note for note up and down. This is usually identified in a lot of pop vocals as well during verses. A pop song is created to get you to the chorus with no effort on the melody of a verse. Okay I recant on this, the only acceptable melody line following a scale note for note would be found in Elliott Smiths' "Everything means nothing to me", I don't know how he did it, but the minor scale note for note is so haunting and lovely, i just broke my rule of overlooked or allowable. Also when coming to an end of a lyrical line and instead of ending on the same note going down and back up on the scale back to the note, its TOO extra.

Referencing. My goodness the pain is great. Any reference to MTV in lyrics, any reference to other known famous people, any reference to current popular people. These are always gross, it removes the any possibility to timelessness, and where these elements of references are found usually will also state that it is a pop or rap sound. It also states in its recognition that somehow MTV is the pinnacle of the music world that somehow its a standard for greatness when really MTV has soured to an old age of soap opera material feeding the younger and younger adolescents because of guaranteed profit. YUCK.

Pauses. Too much of them that is. I'm all for a dynamic halt or surprise, but repeated to much in a song kills the motion of a song.

Popular phrases. These are recycled so much through the mainstream lyrics. In the 90's the most overused would have to be 'breathe in, breathe out' i lost count of how many artists used those words.

Standard chord progressions. A lot of mainstream recycles these. Taking a Key and using only the chords standard to it, no accidentals just strict key chords and especially in choruses. like the Key of C, the progression would be: Am, F, C, G. It is so overused that as soon as i hear it i turn the song, if the song is relying on such an elementary progression without spicing it up with counter melodies or accidentals i rarely will want anything to do with the song.

Length of time. Oh give me a song longer then 3 minutes! Sometimes there isn't enough time to share what your saying in 3 minutes. The other extremes are the lengthy undigestible overtures that have no unity as a whole. If it doesn't die in the middle of a lull and doesn't have abrupt changes that don't go anywhere. If you are going to sing me a song for 15 minutes or more it better be a great journey.

Predictability. This is more song structure then anything, but as a whole effects the song and most of the time defines the genre. Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, Chorus, Chorus. This is mainstream to a T. Its a copy of a copy that has been cloned out long ago. Pop, Rock, Rap, Hip-hop, Country, Techno, as a majority subscribe to this predictability of song structure. It's wearysome how all mainstream music is created to earn a buck. From vocals, to musical content, chord progression, length in time. I guess my beef is how involved music industry is with the creative process of a musician. There isn't much support for supporting an artist in their musical direction.

I guess that is about it for now. I think i come across quite snobby in this, i just feel like these elements have contributed to the overall decay of music and its always lovely to see music/musicians stepping past this. for ex: The Strokes, Black Rebel Mororcycle Club, Arcade Fire, Steven Delopoulos, Karli Fairbanks

Joshua Price: Kid Hero

Growing up there were kids you looked up to. They sometimes were way older then you or just a couple of years. As I've gotten older 2 things have happened, I've always remembered the pivotal kid of cool and secondly that I look up to kids younger then me too.

So here's Joshua Price.

First off we all called him Josh.

Josh was held down one grade for some reason and this made me connect to him as this cool guy that was normal like me cuz i got held down a grade in 3rd grade for not knowing enough english (i had recently moved to the states from France and had struggled with much grammar/spelling/pronunciation of the English language).

Josh could do any sport flawlessly, and especially basketball, by 7th-8th grade he could grab the rim and then slam a basketball (i was happy to grab the net) Josh could throw the meanest ball during 'knock down the pins' basically a dodge ball game that had 2 sides with 2 pins on either side of the court to be knocked down.

Josh showed us that Air Jordans were the shoes to wear, we were all Chicago Bulls fans, and he didn't show us by telling us, we just revered him and what Josh wore made it cool to wear. I fondly remember walking out of school one day next to him and he had his old Jordans tied together over his shoulders (because he had just got the new ones )and asked if i wanted them. I was shocked that he would choose me to pass them down to, i smiled my acceptance and wore the 10.5 size shoe on my size 7 feet for the rest of the school year.

Josh showed us that talking to girls was actually cool, but not to go all flirty on them, but to treat them like a friend, like he would treat one of us.

Josh showed us that our hair could be long or buzzed short and still be cool. I quickly wanted the shaved head with a little more growth on top like he did.

Josh Showed me that when you order hamburgers from a fast food chain that you can eat more then one burger, Josh's mom in the front seat 'josh how many burgers do you want?' "i'll take two" Josh's mom "how many will you have tommy?" "i'll take two as well". Josh showed us the importance of doing homework and fun, he had to work for his grades but he always did his homework when it came to it.

Josh passed onto us cool phrases and fart sounds, he past down us good 'melon peels' (thats when you palm someones head and pull up like the opposite of the egg melting on your knee trick done with your collected fingers spreading to your palm).

Josh had 2 older brothers who were cool too, but Josh would still go to church even if they didn't.

Josh showed us it was cool to talk to our teachers, to treat them like our friends.

Josh showed us compassion in the way he talked to our friend who was crippled from a nasty accident when she was in first grade.

Josh was always ready for something next, ready to move.

Josh is still my hero.




(These are the Air Jordans that Josh gave to me, a little
less spiffy and new as these, but more valuable!)

VERNACULAR:Hip Today, Mass Tomorrow

What the kids are sayin' in the high school generation is always changing and sometimes building off the old, so in the past 2 weeks when i've been around the teens i've heard this latest in terms, keep it fresh with these new spits!

Caking: This came from ohio, it means to flirt with someone. When asked on the origin and how cake became the subject of the phrase no one knew, it just had been around. Ex: "Yeah, she's totally caking" (She's obviously flirting with someone)

Scratch: This came from the Monterey Bay kids, but its not pronounced like 'scratch' you phonetically pronounce it like this "Skee-Ratch". You say it when someone messes up on something (probably coined to a broader spectrum/built off the billiards scene) oh and you say scratch with an elevated voice sometimes holding out the 'skee' with an increasing pitch before descending into the 'ratch' part. It is a term said usually in a public place so everyone can observe the foul up of the poor patron.

Soddy: This word has hand motions when verbally applying the term. You poise your hand like you would when you say something is okay, except you use your middle finger to your thumb instead of the pointer and rub them together while saying soddy. The word means that something is sketchy even skeezy at times with a hint of being under par. The word is pronounced 'Saw-Dee' and has equal length in pronunciation and is sometimes accompanied by the word 'balls' not sure if this is reference to the male genitalia but for some reason i'm pretty sure it is.

The Skinny:This is actually an oldy but i like using it. It means the latest news or lowdown on whats going on Ex: "Here's the skinny gents, we need to...." I learned this from old black and white films with Fed Astaire and other kids of the 30's-40's.

Thats all for now cool kids, if you have any new ones that should be mentioned do share, i love words! woot woot!

Design samples!

It's nice to design again.



For our show with Karli & Ghosts and Liars! woot woot!


For Pen & Paper Propaganda

Recent Anticipations

New Thrice record yummy yum yum, going on tour with Karli Fairbanks, thanksgiving & christmas vacation with familia and lovely ones, shaving off this beard YUCK!, working on music with Wonder hymns are the best!, leaving hotmail for gmail, reconnecting to my friend Doug, getting back into the design world by creating posters for next several shows, i'll try to share what they look like when i'm done, hearing from jessica anytime,getting out of california! getting white high tops ( you will be mine, oh yes you will be mine), doing laundry, cooking with ben and then exercising. this is as exciting as my life is right now.

(example of my poster work for our Q cafe show with Karli! woot woot!)

A Great Hate and Longing

I'm sitting in the airport of the worst city in the world (las vegas) and this lady walks by carrying a nice glossy shopping bag that has the emblem of the playboy bunny on it. This pains me with great anger. I'm tired of seeing ladies with a playboy bunny decal, shopping bag, hats, tshirts displayed on their person or belongings. I'm screaming in my mind "what are you doing?" this filth that objectifies you, that says your only value is your skin? Why would you display this perversion? I can't wrap my mind around it, i don't understand at all. It makes me so so sad as well.

I just left a beautiful retreat designed for highschool girls with GV, and i heard these tragic stories of self/outside abuse, from pregnancies to cutters, from low self esteem to random sex, from drug abuse and alcohol, i've never heard so much darkness, and yet these girls were sharing in front of 100 other girls of their darkest and scariest parts of their lives and they allowed me to see their courage and strength. God knew what He was doing when he took from adams side to create the woman after the Creators heart, the Creators beauty. I saw value restored to 100 girls this weekend, and it wasn't from anything except the love of their Heavenly Father. I left these girls with Ephesians 2:10, i pray it for them continually. I hate that this gift of God to this world and to Men has been dwindled down to the external, God has built us inside out, He looks inside, He works on the inside, He lives on the inside. Thats where i want to treasure this gift of woman as well, i don't want to ever be hung up on her outside, i love that we can all be healed for God and for each other. Thank you ladies for showing me more of the God i love and long to be like.

On the mend

Oh God divide me from this portion,
this place my heart cannot give to you.

Have I not left you, from affair to affair?
Have you not made me man?
Yet i act the beast, all appetite.

Can you take?
Can you rob me of this?
As soon as these words breathe
I consider what i ask.

Is there any of You left in me?
Can you still tell that I'm in Your image?

Oh grace abound
Who can i share my victories and disasters with but You?
From my coming and going,
From the heights and my descents,
From my loyalty and affairs,
Oh grace abound
Who can I share my victories and disasters with but You?

Tell me that I'm still in your pattern
That You still see Yourself in me

SONGS AS OF LATE

There have been 4 songs just stuck in my head over and over lately and i should think that you would like to hear them, so in your interest/curiosity as to what i speak of check out the following and bop your head with me.

Well you can't really bop to the Johnny Cash one, but yeah.

Delta Spirit: People Turn Around ( i sing this mostly around GV for some reason)

Johnny Cash: Hurt (Rediscovered this gem and sing it mostly with tric when he starts)

Paper Rings: Fake it All (Saw the family trio perform @ TOMFEST and liked instantly)

Lupe Fiasco: Kick, Push (Hip-Hop needs no reason, too Yummy)

Das iz Paper Rings, Das very gud.

Exposed

I'm weaker then the willow weeping
that fights to reach the ground

I think this fuels & defines my sadness
when i can't do enough to try

Oh spare me the shame
more than the guilt

Oh private sins
you friends of darkness
I have been exposed

My knees plead
when you drive me to them
So in this weakness
know who rises after bending down to touch me
the One whose light says that you can't be around

Oh defeated sins
you friends of darkness
I have been exposed

May You Be Covered In the Dust of the Rabbi

I heard Jose Rojas speak this morning about discipleship. He spoke how back in the day Rabbi's would choose from their schools someone that they would teach to be just like them. This school would teach children to memorize the first 5 books of the Bible, SERIOUS YO! The first time the students met the Rabbi he would place a container full of honey in front of the class, he would walk around the class and let the children dip a finger into the honey and pull it out. Now honey was the only real sweet thing around and usually was only possessed by the rich, so when children would start their school with the rabbi it may have been the first time they had tasted/seen honey. After the class would have the honey dripping down their hands the teacher would have them suck it off while he said 'may the word be as sweet to me as this honey'. How amazing?! I remember memorizing verses from the bible when i was young, and many i remember, but as i got older the memorization of the word became less encouraged and prioritized in my education.

These days i'm getting back into it, especially promises that are given to us in the word. They have become a safeguard and encouragement to me. One that has been powerful to me is this short one in James 4:8 "Therefore submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you". This has gotten me out of dwelling on my mistakes and current thoughts, it always helps. I find it ridiculous how much i have put to memory over knowing the word, i know the words to the most obscure songs, songs that i don't even like! As well as lines from favorite movies/and the Office...If i could have the same memory of the scripture as these silly meaningless things i know my life would be transformed and lived more fully, so i'm startin'!

When the Rabbi would choose a studend he would say "Come, Follow Me", and the son would leave his home the next day and go place to place and learn everything from the Rabbi. On his way out the mother would say a blessing "may you be covered in the dust of the Rabbi" The beauty of following Jesus is the same, "Come, Follow Me", you can only be covered in dust if you are walking behind the one making the dust kick up, so in a way, lets get dirty!

Step On In

What's bothering you right now?
Not knowing how much is in the bank, missing my dear ones
What is in your wallet?
License, origami heart made from chocolate wrapper, bank cards, guitar pick, half a chopstick wrapper that has really cool fish on it

Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
THE STROKES
Next time you will kiss someone?
maybe today, patrick or bruce, ben isn't ready!

Where was your default picture taken?
from the internet?

What color eyes do you have?
blue

Life:
Is about being loved and loving, thats all. Receiving love from the Author of love, and sharing it, and then receiving love from others.

My house:
12 seater passenger van

Doing this weekend?
Doing a show in loma linda, hugging doug.

Wearing?
Ericas pajamas that i haven't given back since she let me use them in DC, (SORRY) and a nice fitted crimson tshirt.
Who was the last person to send you a text message?
wonder

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Committed trust to God about all things.

Listening to?
B.R.M.C, the Strokes, and my memories of this last week in New Mexico

Have you ever kissed anyone named Patty?
Patrick deff. counts yes?

What do you smell like?
Sparkling peach, amazing soap.

Eating?
Have yet to

On your bed, what is your favorite thing?
Pillow, its wherever i go.

Do you believe in a soul mates?
I deff. believe that there are people you connect amazingly with, in a way that is beyond similarities in interests and likings.

What do you usually wear to bed?
not much

Do you remember your dreams?
All of the time, unless i didn't sleep the night before and its recovery sleep

Do you burn easily in the sun?
pretty much

Have you ever been gambling?
nope

What's something you wish you could understand better?
My neediness in diff. parts of my life

What did you do last weekend?
Played a show, saw a french film with Jessica, drew with Vincent, ate a lot of protein

Who is the last girl you hugged?
Sandy when we got to Anthem arizona last night

Orange or apple juice?
both, come on.

Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
tric,bruce, & ben, i go EVERYWHERE with them

Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?
oh for sure

Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
in the past month i believe

What was the last thing you drank?
Apple Juice

Who's house did you go to last night?
Mert and Sandy's

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My grandma Mary Lou

What did you do today?
Rolled out of bed at 8am! amazing!

What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
I have 2 pairs of jeans.

What is the last movie you watched? With who?
Moliere, with Jessica

Name 3 drinks you love:
Earl Grey, Coke, Fresh squeezed orange juice

What are you excited about?
thanksgiving and christmas, GV of course, writing letters, having a beard soon

Do you want someone you can't have?
my grandparents, but soon enough with the aid of Jesus coming back

Who was last to slap your butt?
Patrick

Who's butt did you slap last?
Patrick

Where was the last place you went?
Grand Canyon yo!

What's on your mind right now?
Seeing the Strokes before i die, having devotions, working on patience with my satisfaction in God, a hug x 20 from a couple of days ago

Have you cried recently?
yes, in my desperation on my knees

If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object then what happens?
they are both not 'un' anymore

Is taking a shower a daily habit?
For the most part yes, it depends on where we are.

Who was the last person you slept with?
tric or bruce, sometimes we have to depending on sleeping arrangements at places we stay, no bother though

What is your favorite movie?
HEAVEN, with Giovanni Ribisi and Cate Blanchett, as well as LIFE AQUATIC, with Bill Murray

What do you listen to when you are in a bad mood?
I need thee every hour, by Jars of Clay

Goin' for it

I decided to go for the beard challenge with the boys from seven years absence. On sept. 30 i clean shaved and with nervousness about it all am courageing on. I kinda already regret doing it, but then again, i'm not going to see many people that i know since i'm on the road right now, and when am i going to be able to do this again, especially with a group of amazing gents. The added bonus of nervousness about this hair venture is that i'm already pursuing the growing my hair out till christmas day as well, so Hippy/Jesus comments will ensue. If you are a friend of mine please do come up with a new/clever comparison. ugh, may the face scratching begin, I'm saying sorry now to you who will embrace me in the next couple months, really, sorry.

MOLSKINE!

I found a site that you can build your own external hard drive into the disguise of a MOLSKINE! These books are my favorite to write in and conjure up ideas in so to have another use for them is an added plus and with my computer space being taken up even more it will be handy and handsome! Check it out at:

MOLKSINE HARD DRIVE

(Make sure to scroll down a bit to see it!)

yup yup yup!

DONE IN

SOMEDAYS I JUST WANT TO BE BELIEVED IN AND NOT HAVE TO PROVE OR HAVE PROOF. TODAY COUNTS AS SUCH A TIME.

A Film, A Hope, A Human Discovery

As desired for several weeks now i finally have been given the opportunity to watch a German film called "The Live of Others". To speak in detail would be an injustice to the creators as well as to you who haven't had the chance to see it yet. I shall only tell you what i new before i saw of it. It takes place during the unsettling times of East and West Germany and closely observes the lives of those in position of power and those in the expression of art. One gent is ordered to tap a director/play writers' house to expose any conspiracies that could threaten the socialist cause but in doing so discovers more selfish reasons for its demand. That is all that i can share. It has left me thrilled, nervous, and hopeful.

It leaves me thinking that everyone is an artist. Everyone has been given the gift of creating something and who am I to define it as art or not? God being the Creator of our life and everything around it and saying that we are in His image makes me think that He would also give this privilege to us, but not in a way of creating from nothing. Only God can have that great responsibility, just seeing what are hands have made without that is a terrible thing to digest. I begin to see people who do what they were created to do with joy and continuing perfection and that not only satisfies their fulfillment and place in life but also benefits those around in a positive stimuli as artists. For instance, i hated working at Trader Joes because it didn't fill any of my desires, but to see some of my friends who knew their job inside & out who were always looking for ways to better the place for customers and for workers, i see them as artists.

There is the greatest of satisfactions of doing what you were created to do, and maybe for some who do not have a personal walk with their Creator, this is their closest avenue to hearing His voice, that they are His, that they were created out of His love, they are His masterpiece. This makes me think of how precious we are to our God, and through this intimacy of doing what you were created to do and not fully know God, in a way is another clue, a whisper from God:

"you are too precious to be by chance".

PS: if you end up watching this film, i recommend these 3 German films as well that are in a way in the same vein. "Goodbye Lenin", "Edukators", and "Sophia Scholl: Final days"

Unto the Defenseless

A set of jazz/bassanova and a packed van later we hit 90 east to crash friday night out with heavy eye lids. Five minutes of sleepy stupor brought us closer to one of those covered walk ways that cross the highways. I always look up to see if we'll pass under some one walking over us the same time we are driving under them and up ahead i see a female figure of white sweatshirt arms that appear to me to be in a struggle of sorts with a taller male shadow. I see a flash of light open and swirl around as though as an S.O.S for help from the beacon of a cell phone.

The next exit happens to be ours and i wrestle if what i saw was real in the time of snap judgments. I think upon that syndrome that nobody steps into help someone in trouble because they think someone else will step in, i think of the poor lady that syndrome is named after who screamed her last desperation's at open windows of brick apartment buildings while she was robbed and raped.

I snap back out of my thoughts, i interrupt Bruce's conversation, explain the possible violence, instruct how to get back to the walkway and we cut through one way streets. I rush out of the van running several blocks of barking dogs and unkept sidewalks, the boys (ben,bruce,and patrick) closely behind. I still see the figures over the walkway, i still see movement to suggest disturbance, patrick over takes me, we run up the escalating sidewalk to the walkway. I don't know what will happen, i just know if she's being attacked that it has to stop with any measure that i have and that we have together. We reach the top to see and identify their movements as that of young romance. Thirty feet away we look to make sure its not unwanted romance and then walk away, this time our steps at a slower pace over the danger of uneven sidewalks.

Adrenaline fades and leaves me for the first time considering the extent of what could have happened. What was i running into? What could have happened to me? Could i have been running to my end if this person was armed? I dismiss the threats to myself and feel the honor of entering into an unknown danger with my dearest friends, all putting their lives in great risk with mine to stop a harm i thought may have been occurring.I think thats what my grandfather would have done, no consideration to self preservation over the threat to someone else's life. I think the actions we took were more then a chivalry politeness, i think it an honoring of the code to 'defend the defenseless' and now my thoughts take this to a greater measure of carrying this into an awareness that surrounds how i live. I look back between my caught up breaths at the once thought violence to see the couple walking hand in hand back to descend from the walk way. I'm wired past sleep now, i've never done anything like this.

I explain a day later to my mum the events of the past night, and her conclusion was "maybe God was seeing if you would respond so that you will respond in the future when someone is being harmed". I pray to respond to the defenseless with whatever God will give me to counter their oppression, i pray to pass the test every time.

Name of the Familiar Stranger

(This is a conclusion to a previous blog below called "to be familiar again")

Tonight i saw the familiar stranger! Thats right, the gent who wears all black and likes BRMC a lot! He was at the same coffee house as i, so as i promised in my below blog i had to find out his name and make him a stranger no more! His name is Adam, he's a engineer at a sound studio, he recommends vynal shops to me in spokane, we exchange how we both know one of my favorite singers "Gemma Hayes", I tell him the story of how wonderful it was seeing a familiar stranger, he laughs, we shake hands, i notice hes wearing black chucks, black jeans, black tshirt, black jacket. This is oh so nice. I've started eliminating the strangers i run into, especially people in professions that are required to have name tags. So when i'm at a restaurant, gas station, toll booth, grocery store, record shop, i use their names. I make it a point to share that i see them more then their work uniform, that to me they are human. It makes so much difference, do it, watch them glow!

Devotions: Your Value and Mine

I've seen a pattern develop with followers of Christ. It goes something like this.

FIRST: Christianity is something that is passed down to you thru felt boards, bible stories, facts. It's a surface faith.
NEXT: A transition of being passed down to being shown Christianity. Now this for me happened in maturing into the mid-teen years. Hearing all these stories of the Bible and once having a collection of these stories recognizing the same selfless character of these stories into the lives around you that touch you.
THEN: You start to understand the genuineness of Jesus Christ, that He is tangible. This unearthly joy overwhelms, this belief system transitions from a surface to an internal and to a point that you decide that this love of God is the best thing to give your heart to.
THEN AGAIN: After a decision is made your response is to find avenues to share to serve, and usually this spreads you thin because you agree to too many things, you see so many needs and in a way you want to meet them.
THEN AGAIN & AGAIN: This becomes overwhelming because you get caught up in meeting other peoples needs that you don't take or prioritize your own time to be fed yourself on the word of God and prayer. This leads into what i call 'THE DIP' in your new found experience of walking with your God. It's a lull, a spiritual halt. You can become disinterested, remove yourself from areas of service, and stop almost all together on devotions, and slowly reside into a mandatory once a week God time and thats because of the obligation of church.

I've seen many a friend and myself submit to this slump. I hate being in the low and if you stay there long enough it becomes a bitter apathy. How can one avoid this? How can one get out of this?

If you are a burn out, and one at both ends, jumping back into the game by trying to serve again will bury you deeper and quicker like falling into a vat of quicksand. The condition must be addressed at the door of your heart. Where have you stopped letting Jesus into your heart? When was the last time you felt so close to God, like He was the dearest friend? THAT is where you must start again. Out of all in your life, the Love of God requires more then all the others in your life.

"Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, soul, and mind" Matt. 22:37

It requires a complete submission because God loves YOU in this fullness and more. So to respond to this ALL giving love with only a bit of yourself WILL leave you unfulfilled and direction less. The thing about the verse above is that this was Jesus' response to a question "What is the greatest commandment of all?" and Jesus responds "be in a loving relationship with me with ALL of you". Now what better way to see this fullness of Gods love then hearing it everyday?

I recently came to this conclusion. Two months into touring i felt burnt out, much service with no time of feeding yourself equals much burn out! I was eating dinner with some friends and i just said out lout "God i miss us" and as soon as i had said that i heard in my head "I want you to have time with me everyday so you can hear me say that i love you". I started tearing up right there with joy and sadness. Its so easy to dismiss time with God, to put it on the back burner of the day, 'oh i can do it later' symptoms. Getting back into this time with God at first kinda feels like a chore, but don't let your feelings and mind fool you. Push beyond the 'oh i can do it later' symptoms and start your day with "God i want to hear you say you love me". It is okay to confess your neediness to God, it is the safest place to do so! This love of God in this time of devotions enables you to do more then survive your day. It empowers you to see this world as Jesus does, to see His power over the stresses, to see His provision in all your needs, to see His forgiveness in all your brokenness. This time also isn't just for yourself, it allows you to see this world as Jesus sees it in the same way as it breaks His heart. My favorite verse are these words by Jesus "I have come to give life and give it to the fullest". To hear this at the beginning of my day makes a difference that i don't want to live a day without.

For me this time has made me feel the worth God has for me. But also it has made me see the value God has on all His creation. I admit there are times that i see people and think them obnoxiously strange and irritating, but then i think "God treasures this person, He adores them, He sees them on the inside" and this, this makes me want to love on them too. Once returning to where you last had a personal encounter with God, confronting your apathy, seeing your worth in Gods eyes, then and ONLY then will you be able to love and serve again.

Friends, My fellow burnouts, You can shine again, but not only that, you can burn brighter. Recover with me, then be the revival this world needs to hear. God's love is greater and bigger then any oppression, we cannot be hurt more then we our loved!

Peace unto you!

Fruit of Thine Hands

This past week i got back in the swing of design things with producing some designs for the band i'm in garage voice! I'm super excited!! As of three days ago we have new tshirts (one for ladies one for gents), stickers, postcards, button packaging, tour poster! It's nice working again and being humbled by my lack of understanding in Adobe. The best part of working is seeing the outcome, from idea, to hand, to paper, to computer, to the final printed work. As tric says in jokingly "the journey is the destination". When i think of the joy i get from working with the gifts God has given me i think of this verse in Ephesians 2:10 It in a way also gives a glimpse of Gods joy in the fruit of His hands. We are His satisfaction!

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

It's pretty cool thinking of God taking delight in creating me, as David of the bible says "Knit me in my mothers womb", seeing the length of time it takes my mum to make a little hat or a sweater makes me feel pretty good at the time and thought God put into creating me. I think it honors God when we put to use what He took great joy in giving us. On the opposite note i think it crushes Him when 1) We don't put it to use and 2) When we use it for the destruction of ourselves and others. God you are so good to me, i want to live loving you back with my joy of being yours and being created by you. Friends do great things with your joys and works!

ME SNAPPING BEN BLOOD OF HIM SNAPPING ME>!

As of Now

I could go for my Virgil's rootbeer in the fridge (its all natural and the best darn hootin' root beer anyone has done had), I miss my lady, I got new kicks and they are the LaCoste! I've wanted a pair since i knew they made shoes and then low and behold a friend led me to the wonders of a place called "NORDSTOM RACK" and there in my size 8 black looking like chucks with a white alligator on the side whispering 'buy me', it happened, i would love to learn French again and disapear for a month or so in france and tell no one except people who would want to go with me, i should start doing sit ups 'don't leave me metabolism, was it something i said? its not you, its me', what must i do to earn a quick grand for an airplane ticket? anyone help. thats about all for a Sunday night. OH and i really want to see "the lives of others" a german film, that looks absolutely brilliant! here's a pic of it:

I'll take one of each, in wood

WOW, THIS IS SWEET. It makes me also think of Sondre Lerche's video for Phantom Punch. yummy yum yum. All made out of wood? this mans a genius, trees are proud.

History of Violence

I was told today a shocking fact. From the 60's to the 80's prisons in the states doubled, and from the 80's till today the prisons in the states have quadrupled ! This is frightening to me. There are too many signs that this world is on a short time frame. There's a verse in the New Testament that says several things about the conditions this world will be in right before the return of God to claim His people that love Him. One of these that has always stuck out in my mind is the part that says 'many hearts will grow cold'. As many marriages continue to fail i think of this. I see the fruit of patience not being cultivated much or any longer. Getting along with people is being pushed out the window and replaced more and more with self pleasing convenience. This degenerate nature of our minds continuing screams that a time of Noah is so close, imagine God looking at this earth and out of His mercy saying there needs to be a stop or His own creation will wipe itself out and out of 2 Million people at the time only finding 8 people left that weren't affected by every scheme of the evil one?! Thats crazy! How about now? How many more staggering statistics must we see or happen to us to wake us up to that Gods love must be seen and decided with the little time that is left?

At the end of this fact i was told that by 2020 half of juvenile ages will be in prison. Half of 10-17 yr olds will be in prison. Half of this worlds youth will be in prison because of the growing coldness of our hearts. Scary? This is only one of the many destroying features of sin. The many facets of sin are gathering now and gaining momentum. I strongly believe we are the few grains of sand left in the hour glass, lets be the salt and light that we saw in Jesus while there is still time for our close ones and strangers to decide.

To Be Familiar Again

Being on tour has made me miss being in one place for more then a week and letting things become familiar again. I share what happened tonight. I'm here in spokane for 2 weeks just kickin' it before going back on the road and i go get coffee with my friend nick. While i'm at a coffee place i see a gent i had seen earlier in the week at another coffee joint called the Empyrean. I forgot what it was like to see familiar people in other places. It wasn't that you had to know them, but that you recognized them, maybe it was how they walked, or how they said something, or that bizzarre clothing item they would randomly wear that was so them. Or maybe it was the guy i saw tonight who only wears black from tshirt to pants to shoes because he's a die hard black rebel motorcycle club fan. It's seeing the familiar stranger that i miss. Being on the road has taken this from me, and it kinda makes me sad. So BRMC guy in black, you made my day and i hope to know your name soon, the next time i see you.

Hair of Course

A grimmy barber shop place called 'Hair of Course' is here in spokane. It's fitting really. These past 2 weeks have shown much testosterone. My friend Nick and i made a pact to not cut our hair till christmas day! yikes! we can only trim it. The boys from Seven Years Absence are making a pact to clean shave on sept. 31 and grow it till New Years day! I don't know if i have the tolerance to do that but i'm feeling the pressure to do so. When am i going to be able to do this again? right? It makes me think of the old musical "Hair".....'long beautiful hair, grow it, show it, wear it long like Jesus wore it' .....anyone?

Infant Roots

Being back home means facing the deli ma of getting used to people very dear to you all over again only to come to the terms that it is for temporary. Its turmoil for the heart and its overflow of emotions. It in a way is a pleasure you must endure through, you love being home but its not for permanence, so you have to see the sucky part and the best part at the same time. Its aweful.
I've had amazing times being back home though. Papa Moushon BBQ, making the best sand castle ever and flying kites, painting with light, exploring antique shops, eating my moms spaghetti sauce (anything she makes for that matter), seeing my lady everyday, being super productive with GV, and remembering old times because of familiar surroundings. I love being home, especially now that i live out of a 12 seater passenger van and a backpack and a big bag of personal items. I love living this simply, this light. I treasure new things now. I've learned on this road for the past 3 months that to God everyone has value, everyone is worth His sacrifice, we are all beautifully His creation and this thought causes me to rise above my stereotypes and judgments of people because this fact lets me glimpse into practicing and living compassion. There's more that i'm learning, i shall type again for part deux.