I'm reminded of my beef with giving every time the offering plate goes by. It's hard to give a couple dollars when i'm just getting used to having a couple dollars in my wallet again. Then i think, well who allows me to have the little that i have? God, the giver of good things, who freely gave, who gave His son Jesus knowing the cost. I don't ever want to think of that as a guilt trip into opening my wallet you know, i want to be a giver. I don't want to think 'oh when i have this much amount, then i'll be able to give'. That fact is complete BULL. If you can't give now with the little thats you got, then you'll never be able to give when you gots it all. It's like that mentality of 'oh i'll change when things are a little better' 'i'll get more spiritual when kids come into the picture' 'i'll start exercising as soon as i get past this time in my life'.
My other BEEF with giving is this: i'm tired of giving when its convenient for me. Ultimate giving is when it requires a piece of you that you can't get back right away or maybe ever. When it costs you. It blends into the realm of sacrifice. Something that western culture may not be to familiar with unless its on a RED tshirt at GAP or when famous people are telling you to go green. I don't want to forget my faith in the realm of giving. It's not for me to have the logic of tithe or offering proven to me before i give, God has asked me to give, given me LOADS of examples of servants who have done so, and as He is my friend i ought to want to do it just because of that.
So if i'm having BEEF with giving it means this, that my eyes aren't on the Author enough to give, my eyes are more currently on my temporary circumstances and the devil knows how to captivate me with keeping my currency to myself. how bout those new kicks you've been wanting? watcha gonna support yourself with when you go back to seattle? It's important to be a wise steward with what you have and some reasons are very valid, but they can't be what defines your giving, Jesus must be. I have my own stories of when i gave and it was ruff to give, but how more beautiful my life was after, theres something transforming about who you are when you give of who you are, of what you have, of what you know. Its transforming because it is Jesus.
Oh God forgive me for not being a giver. Today i was at a grocery store getting trivial items for sheer pleasure. Canada Dry and cookies. Theres nothing wrong with that at all, heres what was wrong though. In front of me is a middle aged gentleman who has his card denied. He can't pay for the little amount of groceries that have been swiped. The cashier says 'sorry sir, your card has been denied'. He can't believe this has happened and collects his things to go. You know what he couldn't afford to buy? 2 gallons of milk and 2 dozen eggs. If you've ever had to live meal to meal you know that those are the basic of basics in your fridge. That was what 5 dollars? And you know what i gave my 5 dollar bill for? Soda and cookies. My pleasure over this mans necessity. I briefly dismissed paying for his basic groceries and i feel like shit. (sometimes thats the only word perfect enough to describe the lowliness) I've heard that sometimes God sends angels down in human form to test the sons of men. Today i think i let Jesus walk away hungry. "I was hungry and you let me walk out of the store hungry" thats what i'm hearing. I want to hear Jesus again, i want to hear 'i was naked and you clothed me, i was hungry and you fed me, i had no shelter and you gave me a roof'. I want to be transformed and not neglect myself again in not giving.
Relient K has this song called 'Give until theres nothing left' and it reminds me of the beauty of submission to Jesus. This submission stimulates my courage to give. If you haven't heard it before i want you to have it, so give me your email and i'll send it to you. If you have it, listen to it again and be transformed a little more.